Month: February 2019

The Divine Between Men and Women

I remember when I identified as a lesbian. I hated that men treated men like a woman because I wanted to be treated like a brother. I longed for the brotherhood between men and now that I have it, and am grateful for it, I feel that I’ve lost the sisterhood between women.

There is a beautiful and scared trust that women share, even straight to lesbian women, that most men are denied access to. Sexual jokes that women may have laughed at before, can now be taken for sexual harassment.

I find blocks where there was once passage, walls of scar tissue, ghosts of men who came before, and the devastating impact craters of toxic masculinity.

I have to be more careful with my language. I have to work harder to make my intentions clear. I have to purify my sexual expression and know that my sexuality, too, is sacred. I have to be stronger, wiser, and much more compassionate.

It seems that men have to constantly prove that they are not perverts, that they don’t have ulterior motives. It’s a little demeaning, and yet I understand that the collective Feminine is just trying to protect herself, as she should.

Collectively, men have made their proverbial bed with women, created a canyon of misunderstanding, hurt, and fear. The divide between men and women is tragic. Repairing the bridge takes some work.

I find myself doing this work, looking for brotherhood while holding space for the collective Feminine, healing my own toxicity, doing my best to show that I’m one of the good guys, and praying that the next generation of Masculine energies are much better than this.

I also hope that my queer, trans, and nonbinary friends realize how much this world needs us to be who we are, as our energy helps to repair the bridge between men and women, to restore balance, and bring sanity back to this upside down world.

Thanks for listening. Bless up.

Toxic Masculinity

I’ve been struggling with toxic masculinity, guys. It feels so weird to say that because when I identified as a lesbian, I called myself a feminist, but now I realize that I was just a man-hater.

I called men stupid pigs, all the time. I had lots of male friends, best friends, in fact, but I despised even them. Now, I’m a real feminist.

I understand what it feels like to be a woman, and I’m starting to understand what it feels like to be a man. I realize how unfair I have been for judging men. It’s crazy.

Now I know what it feels like to need sex on a physiological level. I know what it feels like to skate over emotions that I never wanted to feel in the first place. Now I see why men run when relationships start to get deep and intimate.

Toxic masculinity is more than sexual assault, cat calling, and aggression. Sometimes it’s feeling impatient with the Feminine because you just don’t want to feel what she’s feeling. Sometimes it’s coming up with some clever explanation instead of truly listening with your heart. Sometimes it’s getting caught up in work so that your mind keeps you from being present with your woman. Sometimes it’s wanting to protect her too much, and you don’t even realize that you’re treating her like a little girl rather than a powerful woman.

Masculine energy is powerful, strong, and so beautiful. I am honored and humbled by the experience of my transition, and I am so grateful for every shot of testosterone. Things that cismen take for granted, I thank God for everyday. Yet, there is so much responsibility that comes with masculine power.

We owe it to our selves, our own Feminine energy, and the girls, women, and femmes around us, to take responsibility for our energy. To transmute toxicity, and make the world a better place for all genders. I know it’s not easy, but when I look in the mirror, I see a good person trying their best. That, my friends, is worth it all.

Thank you for listening. Bless up.

#divinemasculinerising