Boys Will Be Boys: a big misunderstanding

Sex feels one hundred times better for a man than a woman. I guess that’s a matter of opinion, but there aren’t many people who can have both male and female orgasms. The female O feels like a tiny hand-held rocket compared to a giant firework display that lights up the sky.

When I was pre-T, sex was this sophisticated love-making ritual. I looked down on people who participated in dirty fucking. Then testosterone changed everything.

When I first start taking testosterone, I thought about sex twenty-four-seven. I stopped using the women’s locker room, not as an expression of my gender, but out of respect for the privacy of the women, as I was getting aroused by their pheromones and nakedness –something that didn’t happen when I identified as a lesbian. I masturbated three times a day.

I was afraid I might have been becoming the typical toxic male, and I decided to talk to my shaman/teacher about it.

We did some energy work, of course, but then she told me to stop judging my sexuality. Although I’m an adult queer, I have the hormones of an adolescent boy, and it’s normal for teenage boys to feel that way. She told me it’s important to support my inner-teen-boy and his raging hormones by allowing him to feel and be sexually satisfied.

“Boys will be boys.”

This is the biggest misunderstanding within the feminist movement.

For some people, on both sides of feminism, it means that it’s okay for boys to cat-call, objectify, assault, and rape. Just in case any of my readers might be confused, it’s not okay. It’s never okay.

But for others, mostly on the anti side of the feminism fence, for them “boys will be boys”means that boys will be horny as fuck and need to satiate their hormonal hunger somehow, and that is okay.

It’s not healthy to demean boys, men, and masculines for wanting or needing sex. It actually creates more tension and sexual distortion, which drives boys to act out aggressively. On that same note, boys are not animals and must be taught to discipline themselves, to satisfy their own sexual needs without damaging others.

If boys are taught that their sex drive is okay, that their attitude about their sexuality is positive, then they won’t have to take these energies to dark places.

“All those qualities, capacities and tendencies which do not harmonize with the collective values – everything that shuns the light of public opinion, in fact – now come together to form the shadow, that dark region of the personality which is unknown and unrecognized by the ego. “

Erich Neumann

So, I got busy with film school and stopped working out. My sex drive decreased and I started having female orgasms again. But something was missing. I missed feeling strong and buff. Some people might label my desire to be fit “toxic masculinity,” claiming that I’ve bought some patriarchal template, but that’s not true for everyone.

It’s natural for many people, regardless of gender, to feel balanced and whole while physically fit. Yes, there is a social template that pressures us to look a certain way, but that doesn’t undermine the natural inclination towards physical fitness.

To attack every boy, man, and masculine who works out is an attack on natural masculinity.

So I started working out again. My dopamine and serotonin are back at feel-good levels. But my sex drive has also increased, just when I thought I had everything under control.

Sometimes it feels like I’m famished for sex. It can be difficult to taste all the yummy and subtle flavors of the meal when I’m too busy scarfing it down. This isn’t the most pleasurable form of sex and does not satisfy most women. I am learning to tend my own fire, my own passion, my own impulses. But I cannot do this with judgment and punishment. It is done with compassion, patience, and self-discipline.

I recognize this as a rite of passage from boyhood into manhood, and I am humbled to be in this space.

I think it’s important to share this part of my journey, because the feminist movement is divided amongst itself, and many people who truly love women are sitting on the other side of the fence because they are looking out for the boys and men whom are under attack.

Misogyny is a real thing. Rape culture is a real thing. Patriarchal conditioning is a real thing. But we cannot defeat these atrocities by attacking natural masculinity. We need to separate toxicity from nature and heal ourselves of the damage caused by others.

If we want boys to behave better, we have to hold space for their growth by acknowledging and honoring their natural masculinity, and then nurturing them with Feminine guidance and love.

Hurt people hurt people. When we focus inward and heal ourselves, the work outside ourselves becomes grounded in clarity, love, and so much medicine.

It is medicine that heals toxicity. Thank you for reading. ❤


Advertisements

Sacred Space: From the Inside Out

Chances are, you already know what sacred space is. You may have an altar dedicated to your spiritual practice. You might smudge your self, your crystals, and your living space regularly. You may even evoke the wisdom of Fengshui to harmonize with your space. There are some fun exercises I would like to share regarding the creation of sacred space in your home, backyard, or somewhere in nature. Before we get to that, I’d like to remind us that the most effective beginning to creating sacred space is in the remembrance that our external spaces can only be as sacred as our internal spaces. So, let’s create sacred space within. Let’s examine our inner energetic fields.

I am not an expert on metaphysics nor am I a Law of Attraction guru. I am a writer, a filmmaker, and a shamanic practitioner. I want to share my understanding of energetic hygiene along with some tools I use to boost my vibrations daily, and enhance my spiritual practice towards ease, peace, and joy.

Please feel free to dismiss anything that doesn’t resonate.

I think it was Christ who criticized the religious fanatics of his day for cleaning the outside of the proverbial cup, while neglecting the inside. JP Sears does a great job pointing out how ridiculous we can look when we are too focused on the externals of spirituality. It’s humorous when we can make peace with some of the silly things we have done. We’re all learning, and these lessons don’t have to be taken for mistakes.

So how can we get deep into our inner auric fields for daily cleansing? How can we create inner sacred space? Well, what is it that stinks us up in the first place?

Most times, the source of our stink is a low-vibrational story that we are telling. As we examine our state of being and release others from expectations, and when we take responsibility for our vibratory output, we often discover that our thoughts are in misalignment with our truth.

Our belief systems inform our perspective, which in turn generates a vibration that manifests into form.

How often do your belief systems evolve?

Do you believe that ascension is difficult? That the Twin Flame path is impossible? Do you believe that healing is painful and that the best life lessons involve suffering? Do you believe that there is no resolution without remorse? Do you have rigid beliefs about others which seem to protect your heart, but instead causes the other person to act in ways that fulfill your low expectations of them? What are your expectations of others?

Changing your beliefs isn’t about neglecting or denying reality. It’s about reframing your perspectives of reality for a higher vibrational output.

Let’s go back to the beginning, shall we?

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth.

I was raised Christian. This creation story, from the voice of Yahweh to the Garden of Eden, was the soil that seeded all life in my Universe. Although I left the Christian religion almost ten years ago, the book of Genesis continued to generate my reality from my subconscious mind.

I understand now that creation stories are metaphoric, but more importantly, they inform the energy of everything in my Universe.

The Judeo-Christian creation story is not necessarily a bad one, but I wouldn’t call it a good one either. The story of Adam and Eve is one of forbidden knowledge, guilt, shame, and banishment. Not to mention patriarchal bullshit. These energies showed themselves in my reality everyday that this story was running, whether I called myself a Christian or not.

Consider a Native American creation story about a woman who fell from the Upper World and made her home on Turtle Island (North America). She gave birth to the twins of duality in perfect balance. In some stories, the twins lose their balance and there is banishment and unconsciousness.

There are many creation stories. Some are religious, others philosophical, and some are scientific. Simple minds are satisfied with simple explanations, while more complex minds need complex explanations. I find that artistic minds, like myself, enjoy allegory and its many layers. We are free to choose our creation stories, and the one you choose is continuously creating your reality.

As children of Creator, we are also creator-beings. We have inherited creative energy, and with this birthright, we are empowered to rewrite our personal story of creation. We can be intentional about which energies will be seeded in the fertile soils of our reality. We get to plant our own Garden of Eden.

This is where sacred space begins.

Once you change the creation story running in your subconscious, it’s your story. It’s your Universe.

Here, I will share my personal creation story. If it resonates, you may adopt it. You may revise it however you wish. Don’t bother asking for my permission, and don’t worry about crediting me. My name on this article is all the credit I need.

In the beginning there was Everything and Nothing. The great void was full of infinity. Truth was paradoxical as duality was One.

One day and night, the Source of All That Is got a little bored with infinite Oneness and decided to explore other ways of being.

There was a Big Bang!

Source stretched its lazy limbs into a yoga pose. Breathing in Prana, Source expanded itself across the Multiverses.

Source became galaxies and nebulas, star systems and black holes. Source was pleased with this.

Then Source looked closer at itself. It noticed that Oneness could be broken down into two parts. Light and dark. Good and bad. Masculine and Feminine. Excited, Source experimented with duality.

What happens when duality is balanced? What happens when duality is imbalanced?

Source wanted to look closer, but saw that it was too big to see minute details. It had to fragment itself into smaller parts. It had to forget that it was Source.

So, Source created Earth (along with many other worlds like Earth, and many other worlds unlike Earth.)

Earth was a planet where Source could recreate itself as physical beings.

It started with bacteria. Source watched life on Earth evolve for billions of years. Of course, this was only four cosmic seconds. After watching the animals grow more and more intelligent, Source watched as Earth’s most evolved being begin to discover duality.

Source zoomed in on the Garden of Eden, and watched as the Kundalini snake slithered up the Tree of Knowledge. Source watched the primates taste the fruit of Conciousness, and humanity was born. Finally, Source became human.

As human, Source experienced forgetfulness and imbalance. Source discovered the phenomenon known as suffering. Source raised its human eyes to the Upper World, saying, “Creator, please help me.”

To those fragments of Source in human form, Source replied, “You are me, I am you. You are All That IS. Come on, remember who you are.”

Source, as human, began to create ways out of suffering. Source created many different religions. Some religions alleviated suffering while others created even more. Source observed the contrast between opposing polarities and laughed.

To Source, duality was funny.

Eventually, Source grew tired of duality and decided it wanted to be Oneness again, but its fragmented human parts forgot how to be Oneness and was not quite ready to harmonize with itself. So, Source watched as its fragmented parts began to awaken. Other parts slept more deeply. Source waited to be asked for assistance when a fragment was lost and afraid. Source delighted every time a fragment came home to Oneness.

All times, Source is watching and patiently waiting for itself to remember Oneness. When Source in human form remembers itself as One, there will be Heaven on Earth.

As all things happen in the eternal Now, there is Heaven on Earth.

The Beginning and the End.

Homework: Get out some paper and write out your current creation story. Is it affiliated with a religion? Is it scientific or philosophical?  Which energies are seeded in this creation story? Which of these energies are serving you? Which are not serving you? Burn your creation story with gratitude in your heart for all that you have learned from it. Write another. Be intentional with your words and be conscious of the energies and perspectives you include in your story. Print out your new creation story and let it sit for a while. After a month, go back and see if your story needs revisions. Let this story evolve with you as you travel the path of ascension.

In my next article, we will build on this new energy. For now, have fun creating your new reality.