A Woman’s Inherent Right to Choose

I hope that my friends can see that it isn’t about abortion. It’s not about saving lives. I have never been pregnant and if I ever got pregnant, I’d like to think that I would never abort my child. However, this is bigger than pro-life vs. pro-choice.

Before there was abortion laws, long before Roe vs. Wade, before there were hospitals and birth control, before there was civilization, women who were not ready for motherhood ingested poison, used sharp objects, committed suicide.

No matter what the law says, women have always and will always have a choice, even when that choice is brutal for both the mother and the embryo/fetus/child.

A cisgender man will never understand what it feels like to have a life growing inside him, to know that he is responsible for that life. He will never understand what kind of love it takes to choose to end that life.

Of course, all life is significant. All life is precious. This truth is embedded in our soul. Let’s not forget this truth when we look at the girls and women who have been raped, girls and women who have no access to birth control or sex education, girls and women who have systematically been programmed to believe that their worth is tied to their sexuality, body image, and ability to please a man.

We are living in a world where White men and boys get slaps on the wrists for raping women and children, the same system that wants to force women to become mothers.

When the mother gives birth, and she cannot care for her child, will the child be abandoned in hospitals? Doorsteps? Thrown into trash cans? Will children be abused and murdered by the same women who KNEW she was unfit? Do these states have systems set up to support these women?

The answer is no. The voters may truly care for the women and children, but the system does not. The system is set up, not to save lives, but to oppress women.

Black women, White women, Brown women, Muslim and Christian women. Cis and Trans women. ALL WOMEN.

If we support women, if we teach young girls to find their true worth, if we give them sex education, if we give them easy access to birth control, if we respect their bodies and honor their boundaries, if we teach them that it’s okay to say no, if we tell them they are beautiful and powerful and capable, if we listen with our hearts to what they to say, if we support their decisions, if we express our love for them, if we do these things, they will be better mothers. But if all we do is create a law that seemingly takes their options away, all we have done is oppress them further.

All life is precious. But we cannot force a woman to become a mother. If you think abortion is brutal, I would hate to see the choices that women might make when they realize that despite abortion bans, SHE STILL HAS A CHOICE.

Sending so much love to all sisters, mothers, and daughters. Keep your head up.

Men, boys, and masculines: please stand up and use your voice. It is our responsibility to dismantle the patriarchy.

#heforshe #abortionban #roevswade #feminism #ilovewomen #thepatriarchy #prolife #prochoice

Boys Will Be Boys: a big misunderstanding

Sex feels one hundred times better for a man than a woman. I guess that’s a matter of opinion, but there aren’t many people who can have both male and female orgasms. The female O feels like a tiny hand-held rocket compared to a giant firework display that lights up the sky.

When I was pre-T, sex was this sophisticated love-making ritual. I looked down on people who participated in dirty fucking. Then testosterone changed everything.

When I first start taking testosterone, I thought about sex twenty-four-seven. I stopped using the women’s locker room, not as an expression of my gender, but out of respect for the privacy of the women, as I was getting aroused by their pheromones and nakedness –something that didn’t happen when I identified as a lesbian. I masturbated three times a day.

I was afraid I might have been becoming the typical toxic male, and I decided to talk to my shaman/teacher about it.

We did some energy work, of course, but then she told me to stop judging my sexuality. Although I’m an adult queer, I have the hormones of an adolescent boy, and it’s normal for teenage boys to feel that way. She told me it’s important to support my inner-teen-boy and his raging hormones by allowing him to feel and be sexually satisfied.

“Boys will be boys.”

This is the biggest misunderstanding within the feminist movement.

For some people, on both sides of feminism, it means that it’s okay for boys to cat-call, objectify, assault, and rape. Just in case any of my readers might be confused, it’s not okay. It’s never okay.

But for others, mostly on the anti side of the feminism fence, for them “boys will be boys”means that boys will be horny as fuck and need to satiate their hormonal hunger somehow, and that is okay.

It’s not healthy to demean boys, men, and masculines for wanting or needing sex. It actually creates more tension and sexual distortion, which drives boys to act out aggressively. On that same note, boys are not animals and must be taught to discipline themselves, to satisfy their own sexual needs without damaging others.

If boys are taught that their sex drive is okay, that their attitude about their sexuality is positive, then they won’t have to take these energies to dark places.

“All those qualities, capacities and tendencies which do not harmonize with the collective values – everything that shuns the light of public opinion, in fact – now come together to form the shadow, that dark region of the personality which is unknown and unrecognized by the ego. “

Erich Neumann

So, I got busy with film school and stopped working out. My sex drive decreased and I started having female orgasms again. But something was missing. I missed feeling strong and buff. Some people might label my desire to be fit “toxic masculinity,” claiming that I’ve bought some patriarchal template, but that’s not true for everyone.

It’s natural for many people, regardless of gender, to feel balanced and whole while physically fit. Yes, there is a social template that pressures us to look a certain way, but that doesn’t undermine the natural inclination towards physical fitness.

To attack every boy, man, and masculine who works out is an attack on natural masculinity.

So I started working out again. My dopamine and serotonin are back at feel-good levels. But my sex drive has also increased, just when I thought I had everything under control.

Sometimes it feels like I’m famished for sex. It can be difficult to taste all the yummy and subtle flavors of the meal when I’m too busy scarfing it down. This isn’t the most pleasurable form of sex and does not satisfy most women. I am learning to tend my own fire, my own passion, my own impulses. But I cannot do this with judgment and punishment. It is done with compassion, patience, and self-discipline.

I recognize this as a rite of passage from boyhood into manhood, and I am humbled to be in this space.

I think it’s important to share this part of my journey, because the feminist movement is divided amongst itself, and many people who truly love women are sitting on the other side of the fence because they are looking out for the boys and men whom are under attack.

Misogyny is a real thing. Rape culture is a real thing. Patriarchal conditioning is a real thing. But we cannot defeat these atrocities by attacking natural masculinity. We need to separate toxicity from nature and heal ourselves of the damage caused by others.

If we want boys to behave better, we have to hold space for their growth by acknowledging and honoring their natural masculinity, and then nurturing them with Feminine guidance and love.

Hurt people hurt people. When we focus inward and heal ourselves, the work outside ourselves becomes grounded in clarity, love, and so much medicine.

It is medicine that heals toxicity. Thank you for reading. ❤


Sacred Space: From the Inside Out

Chances are, you already know what sacred space is. You may have an altar dedicated to your spiritual practice. You might smudge your self, your crystals, and your living space regularly. You may even evoke the wisdom of Fengshui to harmonize with your space. There are some fun exercises I would like to share regarding the creation of sacred space in your home, backyard, or somewhere in nature. Before we get to that, I’d like to remind us that the most effective beginning to creating sacred space is in the remembrance that our external spaces can only be as sacred as our internal spaces. So, let’s create sacred space within. Let’s examine our inner energetic fields.

I am not an expert on metaphysics nor am I a Law of Attraction guru. I am a writer, a filmmaker, and a shamanic practitioner. I want to share my understanding of energetic hygiene along with some tools I use to boost my vibrations daily, and enhance my spiritual practice towards ease, peace, and joy.

Please feel free to dismiss anything that doesn’t resonate.

I think it was Christ who criticized the religious fanatics of his day for cleaning the outside of the proverbial cup, while neglecting the inside. JP Sears does a great job pointing out how ridiculous we can look when we are too focused on the externals of spirituality. It’s humorous when we can make peace with some of the silly things we have done. We’re all learning, and these lessons don’t have to be taken for mistakes.

So how can we get deep into our inner auric fields for daily cleansing? How can we create inner sacred space? Well, what is it that stinks us up in the first place?

Most times, the source of our stink is a low-vibrational story that we are telling. As we examine our state of being and release others from expectations, and when we take responsibility for our vibratory output, we often discover that our thoughts are in misalignment with our truth.

Our belief systems inform our perspective, which in turn generates a vibration that manifests into form.

How often do your belief systems evolve?

Do you believe that ascension is difficult? That the Twin Flame path is impossible? Do you believe that healing is painful and that the best life lessons involve suffering? Do you believe that there is no resolution without remorse? Do you have rigid beliefs about others which seem to protect your heart, but instead causes the other person to act in ways that fulfill your low expectations of them? What are your expectations of others?

Changing your beliefs isn’t about neglecting or denying reality. It’s about reframing your perspectives of reality for a higher vibrational output.

Let’s go back to the beginning, shall we?

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth.

I was raised Christian. This creation story, from the voice of Yahweh to the Garden of Eden, was the soil that seeded all life in my Universe. Although I left the Christian religion almost ten years ago, the book of Genesis continued to generate my reality from my subconscious mind.

I understand now that creation stories are metaphoric, but more importantly, they inform the energy of everything in my Universe.

The Judeo-Christian creation story is not necessarily a bad one, but I wouldn’t call it a good one either. The story of Adam and Eve is one of forbidden knowledge, guilt, shame, and banishment. Not to mention patriarchal bullshit. These energies showed themselves in my reality everyday that this story was running, whether I called myself a Christian or not.

Consider a Native American creation story about a woman who fell from the Upper World and made her home on Turtle Island (North America). She gave birth to the twins of duality in perfect balance. In some stories, the twins lose their balance and there is banishment and unconsciousness.

There are many creation stories. Some are religious, others philosophical, and some are scientific. Simple minds are satisfied with simple explanations, while more complex minds need complex explanations. I find that artistic minds, like myself, enjoy allegory and its many layers. We are free to choose our creation stories, and the one you choose is continuously creating your reality.

As children of Creator, we are also creator-beings. We have inherited creative energy, and with this birthright, we are empowered to rewrite our personal story of creation. We can be intentional about which energies will be seeded in the fertile soils of our reality. We get to plant our own Garden of Eden.

This is where sacred space begins.

Once you change the creation story running in your subconscious, it’s your story. It’s your Universe.

Here, I will share my personal creation story. If it resonates, you may adopt it. You may revise it however you wish. Don’t bother asking for my permission, and don’t worry about crediting me. My name on this article is all the credit I need.

In the beginning there was Everything and Nothing. The great void was full of infinity. Truth was paradoxical as duality was One.

One day and night, the Source of All That Is got a little bored with infinite Oneness and decided to explore other ways of being.

There was a Big Bang!

Source stretched its lazy limbs into a yoga pose. Breathing in Prana, Source expanded itself across the Multiverses.

Source became galaxies and nebulas, star systems and black holes. Source was pleased with this.

Then Source looked closer at itself. It noticed that Oneness could be broken down into two parts. Light and dark. Good and bad. Masculine and Feminine. Excited, Source experimented with duality.

What happens when duality is balanced? What happens when duality is imbalanced?

Source wanted to look closer, but saw that it was too big to see minute details. It had to fragment itself into smaller parts. It had to forget that it was Source.

So, Source created Earth (along with many other worlds like Earth, and many other worlds unlike Earth.)

Earth was a planet where Source could recreate itself as physical beings.

It started with bacteria. Source watched life on Earth evolve for billions of years. Of course, this was only four cosmic seconds. After watching the animals grow more and more intelligent, Source watched as Earth’s most evolved being begin to discover duality.

Source zoomed in on the Garden of Eden, and watched as the Kundalini snake slithered up the Tree of Knowledge. Source watched the primates taste the fruit of Conciousness, and humanity was born. Finally, Source became human.

As human, Source experienced forgetfulness and imbalance. Source discovered the phenomenon known as suffering. Source raised its human eyes to the Upper World, saying, “Creator, please help me.”

To those fragments of Source in human form, Source replied, “You are me, I am you. You are All That IS. Come on, remember who you are.”

Source, as human, began to create ways out of suffering. Source created many different religions. Some religions alleviated suffering while others created even more. Source observed the contrast between opposing polarities and laughed.

To Source, duality was funny.

Eventually, Source grew tired of duality and decided it wanted to be Oneness again, but its fragmented human parts forgot how to be Oneness and was not quite ready to harmonize with itself. So, Source watched as its fragmented parts began to awaken. Other parts slept more deeply. Source waited to be asked for assistance when a fragment was lost and afraid. Source delighted every time a fragment came home to Oneness.

All times, Source is watching and patiently waiting for itself to remember Oneness. When Source in human form remembers itself as One, there will be Heaven on Earth.

As all things happen in the eternal Now, there is Heaven on Earth.

The Beginning and the End.

Homework: Get out some paper and write out your current creation story. Is it affiliated with a religion? Is it scientific or philosophical?  Which energies are seeded in this creation story? Which of these energies are serving you? Which are not serving you? Burn your creation story with gratitude in your heart for all that you have learned from it. Write another. Be intentional with your words and be conscious of the energies and perspectives you include in your story. Print out your new creation story and let it sit for a while. After a month, go back and see if your story needs revisions. Let this story evolve with you as you travel the path of ascension.

In my next article, we will build on this new energy. For now, have fun creating your new reality.

The Divine Between Men and Women

I remember when I identified as a lesbian. I hated that men treated men like a woman because I wanted to be treated like a brother. I longed for the brotherhood between men and now that I have it, and am grateful for it, I feel that I’ve lost the sisterhood between women.

There is a beautiful and scared trust that women share, even straight to lesbian women, that most men are denied access to. Sexual jokes that women may have laughed at before, can now be taken for sexual harassment.

I find blocks where there was once passage, walls of scar tissue, ghosts of men who came before, and the devastating impact craters of toxic masculinity.

I have to be more careful with my language. I have to work harder to make my intentions clear. I have to purify my sexual expression and know that my sexuality, too, is sacred. I have to be stronger, wiser, and much more compassionate.

It seems that men have to constantly prove that they are not perverts, that they don’t have ulterior motives. It’s a little demeaning, and yet I understand that the collective Feminine is just trying to protect herself, as she should.

Collectively, men have made their proverbial bed with women, created a canyon of misunderstanding, hurt, and fear. The divide between men and women is tragic. Repairing the bridge takes some work.

I find myself doing this work, looking for brotherhood while holding space for the collective Feminine, healing my own toxicity, doing my best to show that I’m one of the good guys, and praying that the next generation of Masculine energies are much better than this.

I also hope that my queer, trans, and nonbinary friends realize how much this world needs us to be who we are, as our energy helps to repair the bridge between men and women, to restore balance, and bring sanity back to this upside down world.

Thanks for listening. Bless up.

Toxic Masculinity

I’ve been struggling with toxic masculinity, guys. It feels so weird to say that because when I identified as a lesbian, I called myself a feminist, but now I realize that I was just a man-hater.

I called men stupid pigs, all the time. I had lots of male friends, best friends, in fact, but I despised even them. Now, I’m a real feminist.

I understand what it feels like to be a woman, and I’m starting to understand what it feels like to be a man. I realize how unfair I have been for judging men. It’s crazy.

Now I know what it feels like to need sex on a physiological level. I know what it feels like to skate over emotions that I never wanted to feel in the first place. Now I see why men run when relationships start to get deep and intimate.

Toxic masculinity is more than sexual assault, cat calling, and aggression. Sometimes it’s feeling impatient with the Feminine because you just don’t want to feel what she’s feeling. Sometimes it’s coming up with some clever explanation instead of truly listening with your heart. Sometimes it’s getting caught up in work so that your mind keeps you from being present with your woman. Sometimes it’s wanting to protect her too much, and you don’t even realize that you’re treating her like a little girl rather than a powerful woman.

Masculine energy is powerful, strong, and so beautiful. I am honored and humbled by the experience of my transition, and I am so grateful for every shot of testosterone. Things that cismen take for granted, I thank God for everyday. Yet, there is so much responsibility that comes with masculine power.

We owe it to our selves, our own Feminine energy, and the girls, women, and femmes around us, to take responsibility for our energy. To transmute toxicity, and make the world a better place for all genders. I know it’s not easy, but when I look in the mirror, I see a good person trying their best. That, my friends, is worth it all.

Thank you for listening. Bless up.

#divinemasculinerising

Poem: Why Meditation Sucks

I have always been a doer
to hunt and slay, (and hide)
to remind the angels
why I am worthy of
warmth and clean water
(or chocolate milk).
Maybe.

Too busy to breathe
I’ve been earning
my breath.
Keep your money and fame
I am seeking
my worth.
(Wait).

I had to secure my ticket to Heaven
(like all the other straight,
White,
Christian men)
I – I can’t get in?
What do you mean I’m not a man?
Fuck.

Holes in my rusted chalice,
fake treasure maps, toy swords.
Indiana Jones and the Flat Earth Theory.
(Fall off the edge already).
Fine.

The thirst and salivation.
Cheat codes hidden inside the nightmare,
(but my scars are real),
behind the shadows, along the veil.
Stephen King and the Cave Wall.
Popcorn and limitations.

I never wanted to sit,
to be still, feel, the fathoms
below and die.
Would you trade misery for joy?

Shut up, boy. (Not you).
The Lady or the Tiger?

Place your heart on the scale.
Do it, doer.

End this poem,
(end it now)!

Poem: Father Geronimo

Daughter, to you I write this medicine song.

 

The world you know is crumbling

Our great grandfathers thundering

I pray, Usen, let the rain fall

Like tears down her pretty face.

 

Your roots are strong

You will not die

Your wings, like Eagle

Meant to fly.

Daughter, I feel you suffering.

 

The four winds change

The sacred wheel turns

Great knowledge and wisdom

Every medicine man must learn.

Daughter, I am proud of you.

 

The love you feel

And pain you heal

Balance and discipline

Heavy news from Raven.

Daughter, this is medicine.

 

You have outgrown this cage

They cannot hold you back

Now that your heart is filled with rage

Like Apache warrior under attack.

Daughter, I know. I know.

 

I want to be your father again

I want to try again

Draw back your bow, my daughter

Draw ink for your pen.

 

I am here

I have always been

I will stay with you

Until the end.

 

You will see

My sweet daughter

 

This is medicine.

Beat Poetry: Stream of Consciousness

Back in the cemetery with invisible friends, feeling nostalgic again, revisiting dead ends, and dead friends, with dead pens, and garlic and obsidian

I keep the zombies away, please keep your ego at bay, I got a small child at play, the part, the world’s a stage, if love

is war, then your heaven is forged, in the heart of Mordor, and haunted corridors, of my mind, nevermore, quoth the Raven, one more,

time, the rhymes, white lines, sweet poison, the noise and, hard times, all these are lies, my old life, has died, and here I rewind, pay homage, pay

tithes, to the darkness, why lie, this black rose, it knows, torture and bliss, dark rituals, holy ceremony, and true love’s kiss, horcrux, es, true stories, this is

illusory reality, I’m losing all duality, entirety, inside of me, something just done died in me, quite possibly, I’m approaching singularity, event horizon, scaring me, but where, I need to

know, excuse me, sir, how far does this ship go, to the Pleiades, oh, for fact? the eastern breeze, please, carry me back, to my second home

Earth, I know, they’re needing me, they’ve seeded me, I’m on a mission, and I’m bleeding, see, it’s still all g, big G, in me, and Love is free, I see

through walls, these dimensions, solid matter got me stressin, humanity depressed and, I think that it’s a bless-ing, and everything is fine, but the fluoride, third eye blind, confusion, feel used and

when winning feels like losing, I’m choosing, to put my heart on the line, and they got this thing called time, just a concept of mind, man, it’s a

vacation, here in space, and, embracing, the freedom, from chasing, my own tail, my own reflection, I am facing, introspection, this perfect imperfection,

got me feeling alone, healing my bones, my choice, alone, my voice, pick up the phone, ET, how do I get home? When Krypton’s just a fic-shon, get grounded, but still fly-on, through purple skies and true lies, like twin flames, in disguise, like friends at

war, 3+2 makes 4, makes sense, for sure, in dense, environments, I’m bored

but since I’m here, I’ll adhere, to the crude atmosphere, and marry the dark with the Light, Sacred Union, within, it appears, as it might, a certain shade of grey, ish white.

Uh. Okay.

Read it again later. Goodnight.

–AT

#inmyhead

Poem: The Question of Love, a Shakespearean Sonnet

Tis sweet defeat to love, says Lo
Answers Vick, thine sugar is rancid
Am I then dunce, asks I, or no
For defeat cannot be tasted.

Vick, he laughs, at I, and bends
Young knave, if defeat is thine candy,
Then retire thine tongue, or now, perpend
Thou death is thy life’s own fancy.

Lo, she fronts, thou fear the child
With thine zany words, I shrift
Love is unsure, unsafe, and wild
Yet without such Love, is one adrift.

The two undergo such testy balk
While I abhor their argued tenses
For Love is silent, and fools do talk
Neither doth Love to sit on fences

And still my mind doth will to capture
Such honest and absolute, thus rapture