On Purpose, Forgiveness, and Sagittarius’ Lofty Aim

Image credit: Siah St. Clair

I am learning to represent myself in truth. Over the past four years, I’ve peeled off multiple layers of armor and dismantled systems of chameleon-like shapeshifting. These methods of survival allowed me to maintain a certain level of sanity, but stripped me of dignity and relatability. CPTSD lends itself to a hard knock life.

Today, I feel these old ways of being falling away at my feet, like autumn leaves. Like a snake, having molted all winter, it is through fiery movement that I feel the old skin peeling back, defining itself as “not me anymore”, while I find fresh new skin, an opportunity to show the world who I really am.

I sift through old motivations based on root wounds, like wanting to be accepted and celebrated by folks who just can’t wrap their mind around my otherness, folks who might confuse my God-given gifts with sickness. Today I seek the compassion in my heart to forgive the ones who may never realize their error. I call upon my soul to forgive for the sake of my own peace, that my intentions and motivations are purified.

What are the more pure motivations of my heart, and can they ever be executed in a way that represents who I am? Must I continue to study the dominant culture in order to tailor my words for the sake of understanding? Must I build bridges for those who refuse to cross them?

If not, if my sole purpose is simply to be who I am without apology, without explanation, without fear of banishment or punishment, what would that even look like?

I have been blessed with a beautiful spouse who is learning, like me, to make space for the parts of us that have never been seen or loved. In these spaces, I find myself unlearning the ways of the world and wanting a much simpler life.

I see a child in the jungle, singing to the trees and the creatures like in a 90s Disney animation, and I thank God that my prayers of fame and fortune were not manifested. I see celebrities with very little freedom, not even able to maintain relationships without having to account for false pretenses, gold-digging, and fake friends. I feel sorry for them.

I’ve entertained so many dreams, many of these truly grand, and I admit that in the past I’ve held grandiose sentiments about myself and what any human would realistically be able to accomplish in one life. Now that I see myself more clearly, and I find a tangible path to the life of my dreams, right here at my feet, I still channel great visions of creative projects, social service, and world healing. Why?

Steve Jobs said that, “The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

But what of such ambition?

I know that many of my friends and family have given up on me. I’ve made peace with that. I know that a lot of the people I care about don’t reciprocate my tenderness or desire to connect. I’ve been asked to understand who they are, why they are, and to accept that their state of mind is not about me. I’ve also come to make peace with the fact that I’ve been toxic. No, I mean, really toxic. People do what they have to do for self-preservation, and I am at peace with that.

I’ve come to accept that of the 4k Facebook friends I once had, only a handful are truly down for me, and it’s the same friends who were there when I had nothing to offer but drunken promises of friendship and love.

It’s a sober moment to realize that all I’ve spent my entire life chasing the wrong thing, trying to earn love where it didn’t exist, trying too hard to make friends, compromising too much of my truth, and for what? Nothing.

I’ll take the grey hairs and the crows feet with my pouch of well-earned pearls.

Now I ask Creator. What will you do with the rest of my life? Am I to live the simple life, a humble yet joyful retirement, or would you send me to the front lines for future generations? Would you have me place my hands upon the Earth for healing? Do you want me to share everything I’ve learned along this path? Now that I don’t care for Hollywood ties, would you sell the stories that have haunted me all these years?

Does the caterpillar know it’s a butterfly? When the metamorphosis takes place, does the butterfly wonder how it will fly? Does it anticipate flight and does it fear a fall? Does it dream about flying? Or does it simply allow death? Completely let go?

This is where I am, my friends. I’m stepping into a new world, a seemingly foreign universe. Deep down, I feel I’m coming home.

In this world, forgiveness and grace starts in my heart. Humbleness is wisdom and happiness is success. The fruits of our good green Earth is abundance, and I already have everything I need.

To those reading, I may not know who you are, but I pray for your health, your happiness, and a deep, everlasting peace.

Bless up,

Kaika ❤

Sacred Space: From the Inside Out

Chances are, you already know what sacred space is. You may have an altar dedicated to your spiritual practice. You might smudge your self, your crystals, and your living space regularly. You may even evoke the wisdom of Fengshui to harmonize with your space. There are some fun exercises I would like to share regarding the creation of sacred space in your home, backyard, or somewhere in nature. Before we get to that, I’d like to remind us that the most effective beginning to creating sacred space is in the remembrance that our external spaces can only be as sacred as our internal spaces. So, let’s create sacred space within. Let’s examine our inner energetic fields.

I am not an expert on metaphysics nor am I a Law of Attraction guru. I am a writer, a filmmaker, and a shamanic practitioner. I want to share my understanding of energetic hygiene along with some tools I use to boost my vibrations daily, and enhance my spiritual practice towards ease, peace, and joy.

Please feel free to dismiss anything that doesn’t resonate.

I think it was Christ who criticized the religious fanatics of his day for cleaning the outside of the proverbial cup, while neglecting the inside. JP Sears does a great job pointing out how ridiculous we can look when we are too focused on the externals of spirituality. It’s humorous when we can make peace with some of the silly things we have done. We’re all learning, and these lessons don’t have to be taken for mistakes.

So how can we get deep into our inner auric fields for daily cleansing? How can we create inner sacred space? Well, what is it that stinks us up in the first place?

Most times, the source of our stink is a low-vibrational story that we are telling. As we examine our state of being and release others from expectations, and when we take responsibility for our vibratory output, we often discover that our thoughts are in misalignment with our truth.

Our belief systems inform our perspective, which in turn generates a vibration that manifests into form.

How often do your belief systems evolve?

Do you believe that ascension is difficult? That the Twin Flame path is impossible? Do you believe that healing is painful and that the best life lessons involve suffering? Do you believe that there is no resolution without remorse? Do you have rigid beliefs about others which seem to protect your heart, but instead causes the other person to act in ways that fulfill your low expectations of them? What are your expectations of others?

Changing your beliefs isn’t about neglecting or denying reality. It’s about reframing your perspectives of reality for a higher vibrational output.

Let’s go back to the beginning, shall we?

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth.

I was raised Christian. This creation story, from the voice of Yahweh to the Garden of Eden, was the soil that seeded all life in my Universe. Although I left the Christian religion almost ten years ago, the book of Genesis continued to generate my reality from my subconscious mind.

I understand now that creation stories are metaphoric, but more importantly, they inform the energy of everything in my Universe.

The Judeo-Christian creation story is not necessarily a bad one, but I wouldn’t call it a good one either. The story of Adam and Eve is one of forbidden knowledge, guilt, shame, and banishment. Not to mention patriarchal bullshit. These energies showed themselves in my reality everyday that this story was running, whether I called myself a Christian or not.

Consider a Native American creation story about a woman who fell from the Upper World and made her home on Turtle Island (North America). She gave birth to the twins of duality in perfect balance. In some stories, the twins lose their balance and there is banishment and unconsciousness.

There are many creation stories. Some are religious, others philosophical, and some are scientific. Simple minds are satisfied with simple explanations, while more complex minds need complex explanations. I find that artistic minds, like myself, enjoy allegory and its many layers. We are free to choose our creation stories, and the one you choose is continuously creating your reality.

As children of Creator, we are also creator-beings. We have inherited creative energy, and with this birthright, we are empowered to rewrite our personal story of creation. We can be intentional about which energies will be seeded in the fertile soils of our reality. We get to plant our own Garden of Eden.

This is where sacred space begins.

Once you change the creation story running in your subconscious, it’s your story. It’s your Universe.

Here, I will share my personal creation story. If it resonates, you may adopt it. You may revise it however you wish. Don’t bother asking for my permission, and don’t worry about crediting me. My name on this article is all the credit I need.

In the beginning there was Everything and Nothing. The great void was full of infinity. Truth was paradoxical as duality was One.

One day and night, the Source of All That Is got a little bored with infinite Oneness and decided to explore other ways of being.

There was a Big Bang!

Source stretched its lazy limbs into a yoga pose. Breathing in Prana, Source expanded itself across the Multiverses.

Source became galaxies and nebulas, star systems and black holes. Source was pleased with this.

Then Source looked closer at itself. It noticed that Oneness could be broken down into two parts. Light and dark. Good and bad. Masculine and Feminine. Excited, Source experimented with duality.

What happens when duality is balanced? What happens when duality is imbalanced?

Source wanted to look closer, but saw that it was too big to see minute details. It had to fragment itself into smaller parts. It had to forget that it was Source.

So, Source created Earth (along with many other worlds like Earth, and many other worlds unlike Earth.)

Earth was a planet where Source could recreate itself as physical beings.

It started with bacteria. Source watched life on Earth evolve for billions of years. Of course, this was only four cosmic seconds. After watching the animals grow more and more intelligent, Source watched as Earth’s most evolved being begin to discover duality.

Source zoomed in on the Garden of Eden, and watched as the Kundalini snake slithered up the Tree of Knowledge. Source watched the primates taste the fruit of Conciousness, and humanity was born. Finally, Source became human.

As human, Source experienced forgetfulness and imbalance. Source discovered the phenomenon known as suffering. Source raised its human eyes to the Upper World, saying, “Creator, please help me.”

To those fragments of Source in human form, Source replied, “You are me, I am you. You are All That IS. Come on, remember who you are.”

Source, as human, began to create ways out of suffering. Source created many different religions. Some religions alleviated suffering while others created even more. Source observed the contrast between opposing polarities and laughed.

To Source, duality was funny.

Eventually, Source grew tired of duality and decided it wanted to be Oneness again, but its fragmented human parts forgot how to be Oneness and was not quite ready to harmonize with itself. So, Source watched as its fragmented parts began to awaken. Other parts slept more deeply. Source waited to be asked for assistance when a fragment was lost and afraid. Source delighted every time a fragment came home to Oneness.

All times, Source is watching and patiently waiting for itself to remember Oneness. When Source in human form remembers itself as One, there will be Heaven on Earth.

As all things happen in the eternal Now, there is Heaven on Earth.

The Beginning and the End.

Homework: Get out some paper and write out your current creation story. Is it affiliated with a religion? Is it scientific or philosophical?  Which energies are seeded in this creation story? Which of these energies are serving you? Which are not serving you? Burn your creation story with gratitude in your heart for all that you have learned from it. Write another. Be intentional with your words and be conscious of the energies and perspectives you include in your story. Print out your new creation story and let it sit for a while. After a month, go back and see if your story needs revisions. Let this story evolve with you as you travel the path of ascension.

In my next article, we will build on this new energy. For now, have fun creating your new reality.