25 grams of melatonin, three nonfiction chapters, a bowl of chicken soup, and four hours of tossing. Not much has changed since the second grade…
Too tired to sleep, I require a deep dive, bobbing for ghosts and ancestral hosts of these haunted homes…
Past lives and nightmares, if I’d learned this, then why here, the creak of the floorboard, awakening shadows…
Familiar tune in my glass, power, privilege, and caste, Abuelo, I ask, why?? “Mijo, it is meaningless….”
Unravel the lies, like American pie, white picket gallows, profit, property, I don’t want to be the king of hell…
“Walk away while you can, Mijo. You want me to make it rhyme? Why? Okay, I will try, when you die, you can fly, how am I doing? I am not a poet.”
That was perfect.
“In your heart you know what is important and what is bullshit. In your heart you know who you are. Te amo.”
I went to a school for neo-shamanism because I didn’t have access to medicine from my own lineage. I learned a lot of techniques that work, but I also learned things that were not congruent with my natural instincts or the ways of my ancestors. This can be damaging because neo-shamanism is essentially white shamanism. This means that the culture is taken and interpreted through a Western lens.
The problem is that Western ideas are not always sustainable, reverent, or even accurate. Western civilization has brought us to the brink of extinction. It poses its definition of sacred as absolute superior to others, its sense of progress and righteousness. So when BIPOC show up to these circles, they either get white-washed or victim-shamed. This is why decolonizing spirituality is important. It’s about creating safe spaces for BIPOC and LGBTQ folks in spiritual circles.
Cultural appropriation hurts BIPOC. It is a form of genocide.
That being said, the medicine I bring through my bloodlines and from past/other lives isn’t really aligned with any institutions. It comes from my roots and the convictions of my heart. It comes from the wisdom of past experiences. It comes from Creator.
I don’t believe that a certificate makes a medicine person. I believe medicine people are born and initiated through trauma(s), and every time they conquer another obstacle, they create medicine to share. This is experiential learning that accumulates in wisdom and humility. Creator chooses these people, not humans. Sometimes I wonder if these shamanic schools do more damage than good…. but who am I to say?
To be clear, I am grateful for my teachers and all the valuable lessons I have learned. I’m grateful for the beautiful people I’ve met. I bless the path I’ve walked and that others may be walking now. I’m letting this go now. I let my heart light the road and my soul lead the way.
I pray for guidance….
Blessings of clarity, peace, and joy. 💙